How do you survive the first year of motherhood?

"Sleep when they sleep," they said.  

"Nap when they nap,"  they said.

But what do you do when they rarely sleep OR nap???

It feels like it's been WEEKS since I last slept through the night.  Between the girls being sick and their 9 month sleep regression (yes, that's a real thing!), I don't remember the last time we got a good night of sleep.  Or a good day of sleep, come to think of it.  Which has resulted in this feeling:

Img Cred

Needless to say, we are exhausted.  And running out of steam.  Quickly.

So I went on a search desperately seeking sleep advice.  I visited various websites, made about 473 phone calls to doctors and nurses and grandmas and friends.  I felt like I was on a quest for the Holy Grail.  And I may have found some solace.

I stumbled upon a sleep blog where the author's words caught my eye and made me really think:  

"Sleep deprivation... UGH. There’s a reason it’s commonly used as a form of torture!"

SHE'S SO RIGHT!!!  I've definitely been suffering from the effects of sleep deprivation.  I'm normally a pretty logical person.  I have a short fuse and sometimes I can be pretty ditzy, but I would say that I can make sense of things and think on my feet for the most part a majority of the time.

But lately, I've been feeling sluggish, extremely short-tempered, angry, and desperate.  I realized a couple of days ago that after 9 months of NO SLEEP, I am beginning to suffer from sleep deprivation.  

Here's what I found out.

1.  Everyone goes through this.  

2.  It's all my fault. 

3.  It can be fixed.

Let me explain.

We (people) have sleep associations.  When we go to bed at night, we lay our head down on a pillow and pull the blankets up to our chins.  Throughout the night, we wake several times, even if we don't remember it.  We readjust the blanket, fluff our pillow, and fall back into Sleepyville with little issue.

Now imagine you're a baby.  To fall asleep, you need your wooby, a blankie, a pacifier or a bottle, and maybe even a session in a rocking chair.  All of these things are supplied by the adult in charge of you, and have been since you came home, since you can't figure out how to get your little legs to rock the chair or how to make your hands bring your choopie to your mouth.  So your adult provides you with all of these things to help you get to sleep.  Thank you, adult!

In the middle of the night, you awaken, find that your choopie is gone, or that you can't fall back asleep.  You look for a bottle, but it's not there.  You try to find your choopie, but that's missing, too.  And for the life of you, you cannot make your crib rock!  So you cry out, and hope and pray that your adult will bring you one of the things that you have come to depend upon to fall asleep.  

I'm totally guilty of doing this to my poor littles.  

Luckily, this is a habit that we can break!  It's not too late!

After speaking with our pediatric sleep specialist, she confirmed all of the information that I had found on the internet.  It is time to readjust our bedtime routine, and take away those sleep props.  

Last night, we ate dinner at 5:00, had some fruit at 5:30, and took a bottle at 6:00.  From 6:00-7:00, I changed the sheets on their beds, put them into their pjs and nighttime diapers, and then read them a bedtime story.  Finally, Hershey and I braced ourselves for a fight.  We knew that putting them down in their crib without that bottle that they fall asleep on every night was going to be a war.  

We turned off the lights, kissed them goodnight, and placed them in their respective cribs.  

They were both asleep before their little tiny heads hit the beds.

Now, we did NOT have a restful night of sleep.  They woke up several times throughout the night.  BUT the awakenings were over by around 2:30-3:00.  I woke up at 5:00 thinking, What did I miss?!

At 5:55, Jane and Emma woke up for the morning.  They seemed happy and refreshed.  Both went down for a nap at around 9:00.  Jane is sitting next to me right now, just finished her mid-morning bottle.  Emma is still sleeping.

I've also discovered a couple of other things.  

One size does not fit all.  It seems like Emma sleeps longer in the morning, and needs less of a nap in the afternoon, while Jane needs a longer afternoon nap and sleeps for a shorter time in the morning.  



Limiting toys with flashing lights and music before sleepy time really does help them to unwind.  Think about if you went on a rollercoaster and then tried to lay down to go to sleep.  Probably wouldn't work out too well for you.





If they wake up after 20 minutes, play with them quietly for 10, and they will usually go back to sleep.

During this time, they are going through the biggest brain development phase of their lives.  They are busy in their cribs at night practicing new skills in their heads.  Provide lots of time during the day for them to practice their new skills, and once they master those skills, they will sleep better!


And finally, the piece of information that rocked my world the most -- THERE IS NO SCIENCE BEHIND STUFFING THEM TO MAX CAPACITY BEFORE BED.  Just because you give them a bottle and put them to bed doesn't mean that they will happily sleep through the night with a full belly.  In fact, the opposite may take effect (they may be sensitive to pee-pee diapers, in which case they will waken to a sopping wet diaper, begging to be changed).  




I hope that you find this helpful, and that you (and I) find some peace soon!  Remember to be patient with them -- I often find myself losing my temper because I, too, am exhausted, and I have to tell myself, "They are going through SO MANY changes in those little bodies, and every change is a change to their routine and need.  BREATHE!"  

This, too, shall pass.

xoxo

Aaaaand we're back!  The last two weeks have been extremely trying.  Jane and Emma had begun sleeping through the night at about 6 months old.  We have since gone backwards.  

Here's Emma, wide awake while Janey is napping, enjoying a teether while Daddy eats his lunch. Sherpa blanket found here.

First, Jane started saying "F YOU NAPS!"  I would put her down for her morning nap, she would sleep for 20 minutes, and then be wide awake.  I would do that with her about 6-7 times a day.  Then, Emma picked up that same habit -- but on the off times.  So I would put Jane down, and Emma would wake up.  As soon as I put Emma down, Jane would wake up.  My entire weekends consisted of picking up and putting down babies (and making baby food and doing laundry, of course).  

Then, to add insult to injury, Emma decided it was time to sleep on her stomach, despite the fact that she hadn't quite mastered rolling back onto her back.  And when I say ...hadn't quite mastered... I mean she would wake up and lay on her stomach, or on her arm, on her face, and whine for as long as it took until either Hershey or I would hustle in there to flip her over like a pancake.  And then Jane started doing that, too.  Again, on the off times.  And that would start at about 11:45 every.single.night.



Since then, they have reduced their naps to 4-5 naps per day.  But the nighttime shenanigans continue.  

I remember when we first brought the ladies home from the NICU, they were on a STRICT schedule.  Change diapers, give bottles, stare at toy for 15 minutes, sleep.  Repeat every 3 hours.  It was exhausting for me, but it worked for them.  And that's what's most important!

Once I went back to work, other people took over the daily care of Jane and Emma.  And although they love them to pieces and are so very good to them, the simple fact remains - they are not Mama.  The girls started getting excited, staying awake, and their schedules were totally thrown off.  Then I started them on solid foods, and forget it.  What schedule?  I tried to let Jane and Emma tell us when they were hungry and when they were tired, and tried to make sure that we were all doing the same thing, but, again, no one else is Mama, and, not for nothing, but Jane and Emma don't know what they want 98% of the time!

Although the girls are still waking several times during the night (and usually for good at 5:57 a.m., when our alarm clocks go off at 6:05 a.m. -- and you KNOW that the difference between 5 a.m. and 6 a.m. is no joke), we have begun to try to get them back into a strict routine.  Here is the daily routine we are trying to implement (based loosely around their natural rhythms):

6:30 Breakfast (fruit+oatmeal)
7:30 Bottle (5.5 oz)
9:00-10:00 Nap
10:30 Bottle (6 oz)
11:00-11:30ish Play time
11:30-12:00 Cat Nap
12:00 Lunch + Fruit (in fresh food feeder)
1:00 Play time
2:00 Bottle (6.5 oz)
2:30-3:30/4:00 Nap 
5:15 Bottle (5 oz)
6:00 Frozen Mini Bagel *aka dinner roll* while Mama cooks dinner
6:30 Family dinner 
6:45 Dessert (fruit in fresh food feeder)
7:00 Bath (if it's bath night, they bathe every other night in the winter months)
7:30 Bottle (7 oz)
8:00 Crib

So far, this is working OK.  Yesterday, the girls did GREAT with their naps.  They also woke up during the night less, woke up later this morning, and were not as cranky right before bed last night.  Today, they were back to 4 naps (5, if you count the 25 minute nap they took at 4:00), and I'm afraid that they will be up at 4:30 a.m. like they were yesterday morning.

A friend of mine at work who has two daughters of her own once told me, "They have to sleep good, to sleep good."  I am CRAZY about them getting their naps in because I have always found that the better they sleep during the day, the better they sleep at night, and the less unhappy they are during their awake times.  I'm also convinced that they are going through a growth spurt right now, and that their bottom toofers are going to pop out at any moment now, and so they REALLY need their sleep. And so do we.

The hardest part is that Hershey and I are working full time during all of this.  And not at desk jobs where we can zone out for a few minutes.  We have to be thinking, on our feet, observing and questioning and engaging and entertaining TEENAGERS for 9 straight hours AFTER not sleeping half the night.  We are literally dying.  Literally.  And I get that it's difficult to make babies do things like take naps, but THERE HAS TO BE A WAY!  I need a minute to sit down, to veg out, to PEE for crying out loud!  

HOW DO YOU DO IT?  Please, share with me your knowledge, oh wise blog readers!  If you can't get in to comment on the blog, please head over to my fan page and comment on the conversation we have started there.  I would greatly appreciate any advice that you have to offer, and so would my sanity.

I wish that you all have a wonderful, relaxing, restful weekend.  And please don't forget to vote!

xoxo

First and foremost, HAPPY DECEMBER!  If you are anything like me, you have already begun decorating.  I spent the last two days of my long weekend Christma-tizing our apartment and showing Jane and Emma all of the pretty, enchanting holiday swag.  And then this happened: