Terror-tastic Twos

10:23 PM

Every year I make the same resolutions about this blog. Write more. Link to good stuff. Make some money.  Bah! It never sticks.

So now I am vowing to do what I love: Write.  I'm going to write like no one is looking. Because, let's face it, that's the only way that I can paint a clear picture of what a working-mom-of-twin-toddler's life is like.

Terrible Two's have kicked in full-force over here at #groffnation. This year has been so difficult in terms of teaching lessons and having patience and finding time. Jane and Emma are UBER-independent/stubborn. And if I hear one more person say to me, "Yeah but that's GOOD! It will serve them so well when they grow up!" fists are gonna fly. Hell hath no fury like a woman toddler scorned...

The fact of the matter is, they are adorable angels when other people are around.  The Grandma Squad -- FORGET IT. It's like we are having two different conversations in different rooms about different people when we try to talk to our moms about our kids. 

But when Hershey and I are home alone with them, the GLOVES COME OFF.  


It's frightening.

Emma is Miss Independent.  She can go upstairs to her room and play by herself very nicely for 45 minutes straight without us hearing a peep out of her.  Not a crash, not a whine, not a yelp for help. But if you go in there and do ONE THING that she doesn't want you to do, all hell breaks loose. The other night I made the mistake of putting lotion on her arms. Let me repeat that, I PUT LOTION ON HER ARMS.  She screamed and kicked and cried hysterically on the floor for about 5 straight minutes before Hershey could even get near her to pick her up, at which point she dissolved into a sniffling, red-faced mess on his shoulder.

In the meantime, Jane is a Princess. She refuses to do anything for herself, and if we even DARE suggest that she try it before I go ahead and do it for her, she acts like you just ran over her favorite baby doll with a tractor and throws herself on the floor and then refuses to do anything that you ask of her for at least 20 minutes. 

"Janey want some chocolate milk?" 
<Zuul from Ghostbusters voice> "NOOOOOOOOOOO....."

And then, in the blink of an eye, she is climbing into my lap saying, "I love you Mommy you so pretty and I love Daddy, it's so nice to have you at home Daddy! Can I have a lollipop?"  It's freaky, folks.

So for now, we are just riding out the waves and seeing what works. They are incredibly curious, and talkative, and sometimes infuriatingly sweet. They are beautiful, and kind, and they are quick learners. They are polite, and they love their friends, and they LOVE their cats. They are also hellions about very specific things that Hershey and I have not been able to figure out yet. In a 5 minute span this weekend, Jane peed her pants and then threw a deck of cards all over the living room, Emma ate a yellow crayon and then kicked the ottoman right out from under her sister, and Jane punched Emma in the face with a science flask to which Emma responded by back-handing Jane in the face. And people wonder why I love grocery shopping (without my kids).

Oh, and they are both, pretty much, POTTY TRAINED. We still have one or two accidents a week and wear a pull-up for nap and bedtime, but otherwise, we're finally there people. After 3 long years of double diaper duty, I can finally say we are at the end of the road.

Besides time-outs and threatening to run away from home, what's working with your terrible two-ers? Please tell me you feel my pain! I read some mommy-blogs that talk about enchanting leprechaun breakfasts and leisurely strolls and baking chocolate chip cookies with their kiddos and I want to run to their houses, ring their doorbells, and drop my kids off there for a week just so that they can get a glimpse of "the real world".  Who's with me?!?

Have a great week, everyone!

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