Dear Shop Rite

shopping
Dear ShopRite,

I have a bone to pick with you.

Before becoming a mother, I loved shopping at ShopRite.  The prices were right, the quality was good, and it was easy.

Now that I have 2 children, you have made my life so much more difficult.  So I have a couple of suggestions.

First off, those carts with the little cars on the front for toddlers were sent from Hell.  As in, I'm pretty sure that Satan himself designed them and shipped them out to you with a sign that said, "Works great for moms".  The horns are always broken with jagged plastic edges sticking out, I can never find one cart that has 2 seat belts that are not broken, and when I do, they are so stretched out and twisted that my kids can Houdini their way out of them in a hot second while I'm looking at the soup selection (and don't even get me started on how out of order the soup selection is, I didn't know that cutting the top off of a box and shoving it onto the shelf was considered "stocking").  They are also ALWAYS filthy.  Like I-wanna-shower-my-kids-in-scalding-water-when-we-get-home dirty.  Target got it right with the 2-seater shopping carts and Stop 'N Shop has invested in them, too.  Get with the program.

ShopRite Shopping Cart
Target Shopping Cart

Moving on...

There really needs to be a designated time for these ShopRite from Home representatives to be out and about.  It's difficult enough navigating the crammed aisles at 10 a.m. during a Can-Can sale without taking out a granny or two, but then you add these "private shoppers".  And I get it.  I, too, have ShoppedRite from Home (and so do some of my best friends).  But these shoppers come out like a million little worker bees with their guns beeping away and there is barely enough room to squeeze by in my over-sized, over-crammed "toddler friendly" shopping cart without possibly losing a child's hand in the process.  I suggest you either designate a couple of times a day, perhaps during the store's quiet hours or even overnight (job growth opp!!!) when the shoppers can come out and do their thing without making the rest of our lives a living Hell.  Just sayin.

And while we are on the subject of the overcrowded store, let's talk about your displays.  If you are going to put up displays, can we PLEASE keep them out of the aisles and off of cardboard display cases? While I am wheeling my thousand pound cart down the aisle, I can't actually SEE my children in their little "car" since my cart is piled so high with boxes of Cheerios, and therefore I dodge down aisles at the speed of light grabbing at whatever off of the shelves before a little hand darts out of the cart and turns a display full of gravy packets upside down. And since my "toddler friendly" cart is about 65 feet long, when I round the end of an aisle, I cannot see the end cap full of glass bottles before I hit the corner of it...I suggest using better signage on the shelves or maybe even making a "shop at your own risk" aisle where you put all of the sale items on displays.  Then you can set up a camera and maybe even make a little bit of money back off of broadcasting the videos of people toppling over under a mountain of toilet paper that spells out "2016".

Finally, let's talk about this whole "candy in the checkout aisle" thing. If someone is coming to the store FOR CANDY, then they know where to find it. You have a WHOLE AISLE dedicated to candy and cookies and junk. Why do we have to have a case FILLED with candy from the floor to 6 feet high in a 3 foot wide space?  Little hands grab that shit so quick, I have to unload as much as I can from my cart to the conveyor belt from the very back of the belt, and then RUN them past the candy display as fast as I can cram that 2 ton cart through the aisle, with my heart in my throat for the 12 seconds that it takes me to wedge the cart through (because you KNOW it's too wide to fit) for fear of one of my little ones losing a hand or an arm or her head on the way through.

Let's not even go there with the parking situation and the fact that I have to leave my kids IN THE CAR to go hunt down a "toddler friendly" cart somewhere because they are never in a designated spot...I am sweating just thinking about it.

Please ShopRite, I am begging you. Your best customers are families.  We shop the most often and buy the most stuff because we are feeding the most bellies.  Please take a moment to think of those of us who can't afford to pay the $10.95 personal shopper fee plus the tip for the poor souls loading our cars for ShopRite from Home. Think of those of us who are lugging our little ones with us to get them out of the house for the morning to keep them from killing each other. Only you can make this right.

Your loyal customer and Mom-of-Twins-so-I-need-a-two-seater,
Jessica Groff


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You Mean I Have to Carry All of This Sh*t Around?

babies
It's been a while since I've written. I've been busy the last two weeks taming the animals kids at the zoo -- both the zoo at home AND the zoo at work. That's right, I went back to work full time this week, teaching freshmen and sophomore English, as well as a digital journalism class at New Milford High School. It's been quite the whirlwind. 

Jane and Emma have been busy keeping Mama and Daddy busy. They are sleeping longer at night, but still eating about every 3 hours during the day. They hold their heads up and want to be held and entertained every moment that they are awake (which is much more frequently now!). Emma came off of her apnea monitor this week, and yesterday the girls turned four months old! I feel like it was just yesterday that they were born (read their birth story here). Time flies!


In honor of back to school and all of the kids who are packing their backpacks and heading off to school, I thought I would write all about what I pack in my diaper bag every time I head out the door with my twincesses. Here's my complete diaper bag inventory. 

My diaper bag, by JJ Cole

Diapers and Wipes. I get ours off of Amazon Subscribe & Save (I talk about my love affair with Amazon Mom in this post). We use Huggies wipes and diapers, and if you sign up for an Amazon Mom account, you automatically are signed up for Amazon Prime (which means free 2 day shipping on ANYTHING you buy on the site that qualifies for it, including Subscribe & Save orders). Diapers and wipes shipped to your door for free. I can't think of anything better! 

Diaper Rash Cream. We use Balmex every diaper change, but it's your choice. This is just what they used in the NICU. When the girls have diaper rash, we use either Triple Paste (crazy expensive) or Anti-Monkey Butt (I know, I know). 

Saline Drops and a Nose Sucker. Don't knock the Nose Frieda til you've tried it. I thought it was gross, too, until someone told me to cut open a bulb nasal aspirator and look at all of the mold and boogers inside. Ew. (Disclaimer:  I draw the line at the Windi.)

Stocking Hats. One for each kid. 

Change of Clothes (including socks). One set of clothes for each kid. I just pack a onesie and some socks to save room, since I'm packing for 2. 

 Bibs.  One for each kid.

Blankie. Just one, no matter how many kids you have. Put a blanket on each kid in the car seat over the buckle, and bring one extra in case of colossal pukage. We like these Aden + Anais blankies because they are light for a warm day, or you can fold them up and they keep the little ones quite warm. 

Burp Cloths. Nice ones. One for each kid. 

Wash Cloths. One for each kid. 
A peek inside.
A view from the top.

Face and Choopie wipes. 

Extra Choopies. We keep one extra for each kid in little choopie pods. 


A Reusable Bag and a few Ziplocs. One for dirty clothes and one for extremely shitty diapers. 

Books/Toys. Anything to keep the little one busy at a moment's notice. 

Sophie.  First of all, she's damn adorable.  Second, the kiddies love to nom nom on all of her parts when their teefies are hurting.

Sleep Sheep On the Go.  This adorbs little noise machine goes EVERYWHERE with us.  Good to drown out noise when you are trying to have a fun night (for both you AND the babes).




I hope that this helps in your quest for the perfect diaper bag contents!  Have a great weekend!  Happy Fall!